I wanna bring you to show and tell
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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