Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
