alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
