Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
