Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
