just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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