I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
