btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
