update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
