Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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