Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
