Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
