the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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