Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
