dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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