A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Even my vagina gasped.
Just invented taco cereal.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
