So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I want her autograph on my taint
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
