i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
