My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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