my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
