I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My dick has a subreddit
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
