Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
