my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
