They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
