i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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