His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I will pee on everything he values.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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