Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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