I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
