is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize