the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose