It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
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I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.