she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy