He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.