thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
