i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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