It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
