I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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