Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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