The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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