If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
