Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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