I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
