my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
