my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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