It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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