Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
