I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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