i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
did i just pee glitter
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