My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
