Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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