I wanna bring you to show and tell
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
