I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
