i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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