Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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