Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Barsexuality is the new black.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
