she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
