I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
