You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
