It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
