I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
