If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
