My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
