Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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