Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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