I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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