would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
