you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am one with the molecules
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
