I puked a lego.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
