I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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