Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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