I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize