honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
