To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
