his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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