I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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