he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
