The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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