Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
