When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
