look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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