How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You are a genius and a whore.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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